The Occasional Homesickness

Monday, 19 of August 2019

Homesickness - a longing to return home

It's been happening every now and then for 4 years now, I've gotten used to it by now but just because you get used to something doesn't mean you don't ache inside every time you feel that overwhelming raw emotion of pain, fear, trauma or sadness but for me it's mostly sadness. Sadness is what's in store for me every time the occasional homesickness comes knocking at my door. Sadness is what fills me up the moment I open my eyes when the occasional homesickness comes by and so with that sadness comes loneliness with loneliness comes numbness and with numbness comes irritation and the need to be alone. All of that mixed together in the body and mind of a teenage introvert female is a recipe for non-expressing suffering while silently crying in the silence that night offers. It's funny how I still love my country South Africa so very dearly that i cry silently through the night every now and then because of a longing to return home even after all the trauma and hurt that it has put me through, I say it's funny because every time South Africa puts me through trauma the first thing my parents always ask me is if I still love my country and I always respond with yes I still do and I always will but with that said homesickness is no joke and it can be triggered by literally anything such as a smell, sound as in music, accent or language, taste, image and of course memory/people and for me it was food. Food was what triggered my homesickness this time. The longing for Cape Town's junk food cuisine such as McDonald's, Domino's Pizza, Burger King, Joe's Dinner, Chicken Licken and many more that you don't find here in Angola yes you read that right all of those places that I have listed are not found here in Angola. I literally forgot what the taste of any of those places foods taste like I kid you not and that breaks my heart a little no i'm lying that breaks my heart a lot but hey on the bright side all this writing has made me feel a whole lot better so much better that i'm actually not homesick anymore because I feel like I'm back home speaking with my friends and family every time I write and so with that said stay happy, take care of yourself because mental health is no joke.