A 21st Century Failure

Thursday 22 of August 2019

21st Century Failure

Last night I cried myself to sleep. A 21st century failure is the last thing I heard in my mind before I drifted off. A 21st century failure is what I am or yet what I am to society. You see I've been feeling this way ever since 2017, you might be wondering why but let me enlighten you with this. We live in the 21st century where social media is a very big thing we could even say the biggest thing yet next to Wi-Fi of course and because of this thing we are left with expectations. You see every time I go onto social media or Youtube and see lives of 17-18 year olds, people my age or soon to be age I leave feeling sad, I leave feeling unworthy but most importantly I leave feeling a failure. A failure that I didn't get to have a car at 16 because of expectations. A failure that I'm not going to graduate high school like I'm supposed to be this year at age 17 because I was held back 2 years because of my transition from one country to another. A failure because I'm not achieving as much as these people my age because of expectations. A failure because I'm not as close to being what they are at my age and that just leaves me numb, hollow even. It makes me feel so bad and guilty that I want the world to open up and just swallow me whole because I feel like that's what's expected of me at that very age in the 21st century. You see I stare at the screen and look at these pictures and videos and wonder even wish most times that my life could be like that, that I could be achieving goals like that but instead I'm stuck in a country still recuperating from affects left by the long ended war, where opportunities are rare and lives like that are 2 out of a 100. Whenever I express this feeling of being a 21st century failure to my parents they always respond saying you are not a failure to us, you can't blame yourself for situations that are out of your hands instead you could be grateful for getting to be the age that you are or going to be because not many people make it this far and that always cheers me up a bit but you see it doesn't stop me from feeling like a 21st century failure because in my head I had already envisioned what I'd accomplish. You see I'll be 18 this year on December 27 at exactly 00:00 and I had envisioned that by that age I'd already have my drivers license and a car of course a Land Rover to be exact, a high school graduate that would be attending either Columbia University in New York or University of Oxford in England the following year or two to study Medicine, signed with a modeling agency and an apartment owner to be exact but in reality on the 27 of December at exactly 00:00 I'll be an 18 year old without a drivers license and without a car Land Rover to be exact, an 11th grader in the nursing course that will not be attending either Columbia University in New York or University of Oxford in England to study Medicine the following year or two, not signed to a modeling agency and definitely not an apartment owner and that's okay with me because I've got a long way ahead of me and I've got enough fire within me to achieve my dreams and goals.